Of Friendship & Fallacy

Since the princess started elementary school, her usual commentary about her school day is infused with a high level of drama. I think most of it stems from a very Project Runway like philosophy....in 3rd grade you're either in or you're out. 

The other night as she regaled me with stories from the sands through the hourglass that are the 3rd grade, I started thinking about how this elementary school clique thing is really only the beginning. I don't think we ever really outgrow the "In then Out" mentality from our formative years. In fact I daresay it only gets worse as we age since we eventually lose the ability to communicate with the cruel honesty that only a child can deliver.

As I've gotten older, I notice that my friendships have completely evolved from what they were 10, 5, or even 3 years ago. A decade ago I was close with quite a few people that I had known for the bulk of my life. We hung out together, commiserated together, and depended on each other for everything. Of course life as it inevitably does, evolved and everyone either  married, divorced, had babies, changed jobs, moved out of state etc and the bonds that we formed have strained considerably.  

Truthfully, in the case of some of my closest, oldest friends, things started out like this...

Right now they are hovering somewhere very close to this...

Last year, I found out my oldest friend said a bunch of horrible, barely true things about me to someone and it of course got back to me as gossip tends to do. She denies ever saying anything and our friendship has not recovered. In fact, we barely speak.

Another long time friend recently sent me a diatribe filled email regarding her feelings about the choices I make in my life and how she feels I'm not going down the right path. I don't know how mothering, book nerding, and cupcake-ing is the wrong path but you know...whatever.

Why are women so hard on each other? What exactly is the prize in this weird, passive aggressive, competition of awkward?

I learned a long time ago that the best way to have a good friend, is to be a good friend and so I try my best to always be one. Given the recent climate of my relationships with people I've known for most of my life, I don't think this desire is being translated that well and it makes me feel a bunch of different things.

Sad, because I miss the way things used to be.

Frustrated, because I have no idea what exactly happened to make things turn out this way. 

Angry, because I can't think of anything that I have done in particular to deserve the level of disrespect, disdain, and disregard I've experienced lately. 

Sigh.

When the princess comes to me with problems with friends at school, I have no problem putting on my mom hat and telling her to ignore the idiots who have nothing better to do than think of ways to hurt her feelings, and then encourage her to spend time with people who make her feel good about herself. Those people are her true friends. I tell her how amazing, creative, funny, beautiful, and smart she is that anyone at her school or in this world would be the luckiest person alive to count her as his or her friend.

I think I need to turn my mom hat on myself and take my own advice. 

Anyone else experienced something like this with friends? What did you do? Am I a big crybaby for being upset? 

Chime in.

Giving it Up

Deciding what to give up for Lent is kind of like standing at the Baskin-Robbins Counter of Vices and Bad Behaviors. 

So many equally viable options, yet you don't know what to choose.

 I have quite a few vices and bad behaviors I could do without for  40 days and 40 nights. Like sugar, (already sort of doing that), or TV (February sweeps!) or swearing (what if I get cut off in traffic?). 

In the past I have not had much success depriving myself of much of anything for a great length of time, but this year I decided to give it the old college try. 

For Lent this year, I have decided that I’m giving up procrastination. 

Stop laughing. 

Seriously, I am the Mistress of Procrastination. I will put off doing things until the last possible minute out of laziness, frustration, disinterest, or the sudden appearance of something shiny.

I could get so many things done if I would only stop putting them off. Imagine how much time for writing I could have if my laundry were folded, dishes done, work emails answered, etc.? 

 So much time! 

I would be able to do ALL OF THE THINGS! 

 Do you think I can do it? 

Well even if you don’t...wish me luck.

I’m 100% positive I will need it.

Happy Three Years...and a Giveaway!

source

According to my always reliable calendar, it's been exactly 3 years today since I started this blog. My first blog ever was way back in 2003 on Xanga and then later I used MySpace as a blog until it became so 2005. When I started this blog I was just about to turn 30 and wanted a place to write about books, goals, the princess, general observations and the like. In the beginning I had no idea that anyone would ever read my endless ramblings, let alone have it turn into such a huge part of my life.  I certainly didn't expect to have kept it going for this long!

I think longevity like that should be celebrated, so to honor my 3 years as a blogger, I'm going to host a giveaway!! One of the many cool things about my life is that I've been fortunate enough to meet a lot of my favorite authors. In the last year, I've tried to purchase additional books for blog giveaways every time I go to a signing because if I love something, it's even better when I am able to share it. So as part of my "yay for 3 years blogging" extravaganza, I decided to give away a bunch of my favorite YA books, written by some of the best authors in the genre (in my opinion anyway). 

There will be three winners, and each winner will win three books. (See what I did there?)

Winner #1:

 Beauty Queens by Libba Bray

 Prom & Prejudice by Elizabeth Eulberg 

Audrey, Wait by Robin Benway.

Winner #2:

 Hex Hall and Demonglass by Rachel Hawkins

The Near Witch by Victoria Schwab. 

(Note: The 3rd and final book in the Hex Hall series, Spellbound will be released on March 13th!)

Winner #3:

 The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

Shine by Lauren Myracle

 Hourglass by Myra McEntire.

All of these books have been signed by the author. (Or signed and Hanklerfished in the case of one book) Plus I've had the chance to meet and interact with each author resulting in amusing anecdotes and/or embarrassing fangirlish freakouts. In the coming weeks, I'll be reviewing a few of these books, but I've linked you to their Goodreads pages as well.

To Enter:

•  Leave a comment telling me your preferred prize. You may also pay me a bunch of compliments on my wit, charm, and general adorableness, but that is of course optional.
• You may tweet about this contest for an additional entry. Please link back to your tweet in a separate comment. [If you're wondering what to tweet, feel free to go with: @cocoaellewoods is awesome. Plus she's hosting a giveaway! (Though she'd be awesome regardless) No pressure though...go with what feels right to you.]
•  You may blog about this contest for 3 additional entries. Again with the linking back in a separate comment.
• If you are a current follower, give yourself 2 extra entries. (And btw, thank you!)
• If you've been led to my blog by this contest and decided to become a new follower OR you were hypnotized by the alarming level of pink and felt compelled to follow, give yourself an extra entry.
• Additional entry for following me (@cocoaellewoods) on Twitter. Please mention this in your comment with your Twitter name.

Now, I'm a reader and not a mathematician, but I think a chance for 7 or 8 entries is available here.

The Rules:

1. You must be a follower of this blog.

2. You must be at least 13 years old to enter.

3. This contest is open to US and Canadian residents only. (Sorry but my single mother's budget will not allow for international shipping.)

4. Contest will be open until midnight on March 9, 2012 and I will choose 3 winners at random.

Good luck and thanks for entering and for reading!

Friday Five (4)

Happy Friday! We made it through the week! Get excited!

1. First off, I know I was quite the Emily Emo in my Valentine's Day post earlier this week. Please know that I appreciate you loving me through it. Luckily, things definitely turned around and I am ending the week on an incredibly high note! Check out what came in the mail for me yesterday! I don't think there are enough words accurately express how much I love getting things in the mail. 

1. My sweet friend Jennifer sent me a little something to brighten up my week. 

2. February Birchbox 

3. March Vogue with Adele on the cover. 

4. Lauren Conrad's Style from Amazon.

5. & 6. My other friend Jen sent me Jellicoe Road and a fun pair of pink polka dot socks in a Valentine's Day gift exchange. 

2. Another fun V-Day surprise? As my gift, the princess gave me an impromptu serenade on the recorder. Three Blind Mice AND Hot Cross Buns! Then she regaled me with the recap of her card exchange at school. She gave away Star Wars cards (she's way into Star Wars right now) and received a card and a Scooby Doo pencil from her crush....this is a very.big.deal.

3. So remember back in September when I went to the Decatur Book Festival and had pretty much the best time in the history of times ever? Well you might remember that I met Elizabeth Eulberg, author of Prom & Prejudice and we bonded over our mutual love of David Levithan whom she is actually friends with, and who's books I read and self I just um you know, fangirl over.

Anyway for Valentine's Day Elizabeth held a contest on Twitter for a signed copy of her novel The Lonely Hearts Club which given the holiday was incredibly fitting. Now, being that I was feeling a bit dark and twisty I replied with something semi witty and incredibly self-deprecating and didn't think anything of it.

So I guess you can tell my incredibly non subtle foreshadowing, that I won! Yay for signed books and for more fun things in the mail to anticipate!

4. I've decided Etsy is evil. With the impending premiere of The Hunger Games movie, I'm incredibly sensitive to any HG related merch right now. Thanks to always impressive zeal of the fandom, there are so many fabulous HG related things that are out there just waiting for my Visa number.

I mean seriously...how could I resist this? It's a necklace made from the actual pages of the book and is a sentence related to Cinna.  It's practically screaming "BUY ME!" Don't even get me started on all of the awesome t-shirts! 

Where to buy

5. Even the Valentine's episode of Glee helped my mood. Lately I've been somewhat "meh" about Glee but I watch because I love the songs and I've been desperately waiting for the climax of the Sam/Mercedes/Football guy who's name I can never remember triangle.

Well by sheer coincidence, Mercedes figured out her feelings and expressed it in true diva style with arguably the most famous song by the one and only Whitney Houston. I didn't use this song in my memorial post, but I like to think this performance by Glee's Amber Riley who has one of the most beautiful, soulful voices I've heard in recent years is Whitney's torch being passed to the younger generation. Enjoy.

Happy Weekend! I have some fun stuff planned for next week...see you then!

Writing Inspirations: Adele

I don't want get too Henrietta Hipster on you, but I loved Adele before she was cool.

When I first heard her incredible voice, it was shortly after her debut album 19 released, and I heard Chasing Pavements. I fell in love instantly and wanted to know everything about her.

Then I heard her live cover of the Bob Dylan song, Make You Feel My Love. And I did feel it. Totally and completely. My love was further extended after I found out she was British. (Anglophilia ftw)

When I found out she was a member of the Curvy Girls Club AND a ginger with perfectly applied eyeliner and glam lashes...I was in full on girl crush status.

Now without question her low toned gorgeous voice is amazing, but I think I am mostly impressed by her incredible writing skills. Especially in someone so young. In her Grammy award winning album, 21, Adele was able to tap into her heartbreak and turn it into the soundtrack for love survivors everywhere.

Currently, I'm writing about a woman who is struggling to get through a past of betrayal and heartbreak while raising a young daughter. This is a subject I know just a little bit about. [insert self-deprecating chuckle here] My main character is strong, incredibly witty, and fierce in her determination to make it on her own. Despite the fabulousness she exudes, there is a part of her (that she is able to hide quite well) that is so vulnerable and insecure and afraid of making mistakes. It's often a struggle for me to write about her story, given that she's very similar to someone I know really well. ;-)

I've waffled back and forth between writing her truthfully or trying to make her seem less like me this person that I know. I came to the realization after watching Adele sweep every bleeping category at the Grammys on Sunday that there is obviously no shame in the truth. There is no shame in sharing your pain. There is no shame in allowing other people to the benefit from your experience, especially if they are able to feel an emotional connection to it.

Thanks to Adele, I've been inspired to always write my truth and not be afraid to share the whole of myself in  whatever I write. Whether or not I can pull off a "Someone Like You" kind of miracle is inconsequential...it's really all about me and the process of finding my own voice, harnessing its power and creating something unbelievable.

Valentine, Schmalentine

First, Happy Valentine's Day friends! 

For most of my life, I have LOVED Valentine's Day. I am all for a holiday that celebrates pink, hearts, chocolate, and telling people that you love them. It doesn't have to be romantic love either, sharing your heart with people you love is absolutely a valid reason for a holiday. In fact I always send V-Day cards out to my friends and family just to let them know I love them and am thinking of them on this most special of days. 

Or at least I used to. 

Here lately I've been feeling rather blah in anticipation of today. I don't know if it's because I'm still single or because I'm stressed out and overworked or because I'm still recovering from the epic flu of January 2012 or  because I officially cut out sugar this week or some combination thereof, I just know, I am not all a twitter with happy pink hearted feelings like I normally would be. 

Sadly instead of my normal Valentine's outlook...

I'm clocking in at something closer to this...

And I don't like it. 

In order to break out of my less than festive mood, I am taking the princess out for dinner tonight. Nowhere fancy, probably to her favorite restaurant, Inside Out Burger (Or In-N-Out Burger as it is commonly known) Then we'll make beaded necklaces and read a bit of Ramona Quimby before bedtime.

After she's all tucked in bed I plan on putting on a face mask, drinking a glass of wine, goofing around on Twitter until I get depressed by everyone else's fabulous plans for tonight, then reading, and finally going to bed with the hope that I'll feel more like myself in the morning. 

Bah humbug.

Just for Today...

Because I really still can't believe it.

Because when I was little, I used to sing along to this song and pretend I sounded just like her. (Sadly, I did not)

Because she is probably the only person who can turn a song about infidelity into one of the most requested wedding songs ever without one stitch of irony.

Because no one has since (in my humble opinion) sang our National Anthem quite like this.

Because when someone dies and especially when they die young, whether or not they're famous, it is still incredibly sad. 

Currently...

Reading...

Shine by Lauren Myracle. I've been putting off reading this book for months because of the subject matter. I figured it was about time I remembered I was a grownup and finally read it. So far...it's amazing.

Eating...

So freaking good. Proceed with caution.

Hearing...

Damn These Vampires by The Mountain Goats. I originally started listening to this band after both my friend Jessica and New York Times bestselling author John Green sang their praises. Now I can't go a day without listening to this song. 

Watching...

Downton Abbey. I am OBSESSED with this show. It's about life in English countryside at the turn of the 20th century. Nothing about that screams "get obsessed"..yet I completely 100% am. 

Dreaming...

I really want a Kindle Fire. Actually, I really want an iPad but shelling out  $800 for something goes against everything my single mother's budget stands for so I've been thinking of splurging on the Kindle because I am not a fan of Barnes and Noble so the Nook is definitely out.

What are your current obsessions?

Snippets

I'm going to a SuperBowl party today. Not because I love football or even know who's playing, but because I love my friends and relish any chance I get to spend with them. Oh and I also love guacamole and I volunteered to bring it to guarantee that I would definitely be eating some today. The only thing I know about today's game other than Madonna performing in the halftime show is that Gisele Bundchen's husband is playing and that he is also the chick who played Natasha on Sex and the City's baby daddy. See..I know things.

I think I'm officially over my high of seeing John Green for the 2nd time. Well truthfully...not really but I'm telling myself it's ok to let it go now. I commemorated this by buying yet another signed copy of The Fault in Our Stars that I saw on sale at Target. It was in purple...I had to! PS-Still #1 on the New York Times Bestseller List!

So apparently, former Veronica Mars star Kristen Bell loves sloths. I never really thought about them  outside of the Ice Age movies and you know...as one of the seven deadly sins, but her reaction is definitely worth taking a second look.

Can you feel the frenzy beginning? 

Source

Lenny has already won me over as Cinna based on this still shot! Plus he's wearing a vest!

I am so excited for this movie I can't even take it!

Oh and the newest trailer? Perfection.

Why isn't it March 23rd already??? Would anyone like to reread the series as the film gets closer and discuss? 

Friday Five (3)

So it's February already? How did that happen?!?

1. I'm not going to lie guys, this week has been a bear. I had a bit of emotional slap in the face and I'm still exhausted from the flu I had two weeks ago. Has anyone else noticed that as you get older you just stay freaking sick? I remember in my 20s going to work, school, and studying for a final all with 101 temperature. Now if I so much as get the sniffles I need to go to the hospital. This part of getting older sucks...though I do appreciate the lower car insurance.

2. This summer I've decided I want to take the princess on vacation, just her and I. I have no idea where we would should go though. I want somewhere relatively inexpensive that we can get to easily and where she'll have fun and maybe learn a few things too. I am debating on us either road tripping to Palm Springs or flying up to Seattle or to Texas since we have family there. It's a toss up and I'm making a Pro/Con list to decide. How Rory Gilmore am I?

3. Once a week is Movie Night in our house and the princess and I switch off picking a movie. I am not always thrilled by the princess' choice as there are only so many of those golden retriever puppies films one woman can watch before debating committing herself, but we stick to the rule and watch without complaining. I was excited when last night was my turn and we watched The Goonies which is probably one of my favorite films from childhood. Thankfully she loved it and had a great response to all of my favorite parts. I loved seeing it again too, only it sadly reminded me that I seriously need this shirt like yesterday.

 

4. February is the month I usually dread because it's the month where I decide to get back into shape. Have you ever heard the term January Joiner? Well when all those peeps who get so gung ho about the New Year start to answer the siren call of their remote by January 20th, I'm usually back on the health and fitness train picking up where they left. I'm doing it again this year and have been steadily working out at home for the past week. It hasn't been easy due to still being a bit sick but I want to get in a regular routine of working out and eating well so I can be a fabulous this summer. So begins the neverending Mission: DeHeiferization.

5. Since I mentioned the Urban Dictionary, on her blog a few weeks ago, my friend Jessica wrote a post for Road Trip Wednesday about pseudonyms, nom de plumes, and pen names writers may want to have or need to have and why. I grew up with a love/hate relationship with my name and have now as an adult come to love it and understand that it's the exact perfect name for me. As a writer, I struggle with whether or not I should use a pen name because given its extremely ethnic nature, it's inevitable that I be pigeon-holed into the "Books Black People Like" section of the book store. No major decisions yet, but I'd love to use my name and have it not matter.

As I was thinking about my name, I decided to look up it's meaning in the Urban Dictionary. Side note-I highly recommend doing this if you need an ego stroke as most name definitions tend to be positive. From a baby book I purchased while gestating the princess, I learned that my name in Aramaic means "Child of the People" and in Japanese means "Child of the Sun."  Here's how a little snippet of how the Urban Dictionary defines me:

Tameka: the tell-it-how-it-is type of girl. She'll always have your back, even when you aren't looking good. She will have you hooked and drooling over her with the flash of her smile. Beware of her honesty, it is blatant but once you get over that fact, she's a great friend to have on your side.


I think the Urban Dictionary has a crush on me! What's your Urban Dictionary definition?

Happy Weekend Everyone!

A Moment of Zen

Not because it's Black History Month, or because I'm an emo chick who likes poetry or for any other reason that today, these words are the balm for my wounded soul.

For the curious...when someone attempts to invalidate my awesome, these are the words running through the back of mind reminding to never be anything less than 100% myself, because I. am. amazing.

 Still I Rise

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops.

Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don't you take it awful hard

'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines

Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I've got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame

I rise

Up from a past that's rooted in pain

I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise. 

 - Maya Angelou