|Find out all about BMM here.|
Does anyone remember that episode of Friends where Rachel had to be re-trained as a waitress at Central Perk? She moaned and groaned about it and Joey and Chandler told her she needed to get “the fear”, quit, and try and get her dream job in the fashion industry. It ended up working out very well for her and also signified the beginning of the end of her relationship with Ross. (The first time.) (Did I mention I'm a bit of a Friends fan?)
When it comes to writing, I am in full possession of “the fear”. I have mentioned the fear of showing my work to anyone in the past, but it really goes so much deeper than that. I’m ultimately afraid of failure, but I’m also afraid of the steps I need to take to move ahead.
What if I finish my draft and no one wants to be my critique partner? Hello middle school flashbacks.
What if I find a critique partner and he or she hates my writing? What if this hypothetical hosebeast of a CP tells me I’m a hack and shouldn’t even be allowed to write birthday cards let alone books?
I am being perfectly serious when I tell you that these thoughts sometimes keep me up at night. (I also realize how ridiculous they are, but owning my ridiculousness is pretty much part of my charm.)
When I decided to take my writing seriously a few years ago, I never realized it would be this hard. In the past I've written purely for my own enjoyment, but now I feel so much pressure to be amazing and I’m afraid it’s a self imposed standard to which I will never be able to live up.
Now that you’re sufficiently bummed out…on to the bright side!
I know myself well enough to know that if I have a goal I want to accomplish, I need a plan.
In order to combat my fears of failure and ever present self doubt, I’m just going to keep on writing. I am devoting 2 hours of daily BIC time (that’s butt in chair for those not in the know), to finishing up this draft. I am currently a little over half way finished with the draft itself, and I’m trying to write 1000-1500 words a day. My goal is to have it a completed draft by June 30th.
After I finish this draft, I’ll start revising and put out feelers among my writing friends and Twitter for a critique partner.
Despite my near genius plan, I’m still very much afraid. Now I’m just choosing to channel that fear towards something positive.
|Motivation if there ever was such a thing.|
My friend and future bestselling author Melissa Landers always says that you can’t win if you don’t play…so I’m playing. My knees are knocking together, I’m a bit nauseous, and I have no doubt that there's some serious stress eating in my immediate future, but I’m playing.