Scaredy Cat

Any one who knows me, knows I'm not a fan of Halloween.  You may ask why...because I'm afraid of my own shadow. Here are just a few things that freak me the freak out:

Clowns (this we know)

Heights

Christopher Walken

Rodents (this includes raccoons, squirrels, mice, rats, hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs, etc)

THE DARK (oh yes capitals)

Strange noises with an unidentifiable location

Most reptiles, including dragons.

Balloons

Scary movies (I refuse to watch the Paranormal Activity trailer. REFUSE.)

Making left hand turns on to a busy street with no signal

Someone jumping out and yelling "BOO!" (unless it's Scout in To Kill a Mockingbird)

The movie The Ring. (That scene with the TV had me sleeping with the lights on for a week.)

Little children who are evil (See previously mentioned fear of The Ring.)

Those email forwards that ask you to click on something that is obviously designed to scare the crap out of you.

I mentioned my fear of clowns and Christopher Walken to my online book club.  My friend Ally's response?  She posted this picture and I actually cried because I was so scared.

Another reason I'm not a fan of Halloween, is that I'm not necessarily the best person to be around large groups of children, especially those who are hopped on sugar, frolic, and make believe.  In fact, the princess has annual Halloween funsies at her school and I make the ex go because I seriously cannot handle all the hyperactive urchins nor their high pitched happy squeals.  I realize this makes me a terrible person, yet I'm ok with it.

Before you start thinking I'm a terrible mother, I DO take the princess trick or treating in exchange for not doing the school thing.  Did I mention that last year while we were walking through the neighborhood some ill mannered douchebag of a teenager in a rubber scary face mask jumped out and scared the beejesus out of me causing me to trip and fall (clumsiness ftw) and slide into a sewer grate?  Yeah, I hate Halloween.

Bah humbug.

Flow it, show it, long as God can grow it.

I've worn my hair the same way for about 15 years.  Long individual braids to about mid-back.  You know this because in pretty much every picture of me that's been on my blog, that's how my hair has looked. Like this picture of the princess and me during our Hazelnut Photography shoot last year. (I will obviously use any excuse to pimp out these pictures...any excuse at all.)

Well it's time for a change.  I'm not sure what that change may be but I do know that it's time for one.


For the most part, I think I'm afraid of changing my hair because I've always received so many compliments with the braids and I feel like I really pull them off.  I have a round face so in my mind, I feel like I need a lot of volume in order to look proportioned. With other non-braided hairstyles I feel like my head looks gigantic in comparison to what appears to be the tiny amount of hair on my head.  I have a cousin who wears her hair in dreads.  She looks and is beautiful but I am way too much of  a spazzy pink loving book nerd to pull that look off. It's way too cool for school and I sadly, am not.  Here is a pic of the princess and I at my bestie's wedding in 2008. I think my hair looks pretty despite my larger than normal noggin.

Not wearing my hair in braids comes with a level of hair maintenance that I am far too lazy incredibly busy and important to deal with.  Every black girl knows the struggle of the wash/blowdry/hot comb on a weekly basis.  (Sometimes I weep for sweet Zahara who's mother does not understand said struggle) Or the burn and itch of a bi-monthly relaxer.  Or the nights spent sleeping sitting up so your hair still looks good in the morning. (If you don't know, feel free to watch Chris Rock's documentary, Good Hair.  It won't change your life or anything, but it will make you laugh and maybe enlighten you a little bit.)  Also, unless you have a cousin, mother, auntie, sister, or best friend that's a stylist, it can be extremely expensive and time consuming to maintain. 

In preparation of my big hair change I started looking at pictures of different people to see who's hair might look good on my face (and giant head).  One of my favorite singers/people is Jennifer Hudson and before she went and got all super skinny on me (I'm only 3% jealous btw) she and I had very similar face shapes.  I absolutely love her hair almost every time I see her.  She does tend to rock full frontal blunt cut bangs which is a look I am not a fan for myself but I think this look in particular is one I can carry off....with the help of the sweet sacrifice of the beautiful and spiritual people of India. :-)

I know it's just hair but I am seriously bored with looking the exact same in every single picture.  Plus, now that I'm thirtyish, I want to look a little more mature and sophisticated, and a little less young and collegiate.  I was really freaking out about this and wondering if I should just keep wearing braids for another year or two until I could be less of a freak show about it.  Then I realized, a) I'm always going to be a freak show because I'm incredibly indecisive,  b) If I don't like it I can change it and c) In addition to being indecisive,  I am also incredibly neurotic. Self acutalization for the win.

I haven't picked an actual date yet, but sometime during the month of November, much like young Willow Smith, or the cute little Sesame Street puppet, I am going to love my hair and will probably whip it back and forth too.

Guess what?

I'm a writer. 

Shocked? I was too!

For the last few weeks I've been making preparations to participate in Nanowrimo 2010.

I did it last year and won, but my story was more of a rambling cathartic mess about my divorce which led me into several bouts of crying jags, self loathing, bitterness, and renewed anger at my ex for events that had taken place nearly 5 years prior.  

Yeah, that was fun.

This time around I'm writing something happy.  I have an original plot, with characters I actually like, and I even know how I want it to end! 

I'm excited, energized, and ready to tackle this again. Yay Nano!

Now Accepting Applications

Lately I’ve been thinking about my status as a sassy swinging single and how I wouldn’t mind changing it. I don’t just mean having dinner with some douche who’s going to try and put his tongue in my ear, or worse, I mean an actual tried and true real relationship with someone that could possibly lead to me jumping the broom again. I’ve been single for almost 7 years. I’ve dated here and there but nothing really serious or headed anywhere and it’s been nearly two years since I’ve been on an actual date. I know that seems like a long time but really with a full time job, school, and the princess, it just hasn’t been something I’m focused on.

I often joke about my single status since much like my favorite friend Chandler Bing, I generally use humor as a defense mechanism. Truthfully my singleness doesn’t really bother me as much as people seem to think it should. I’m tired of being asked invading questions about my dating life or lack thereof or hearing people’s opinions of how I should be over my ex by now. Not having a man in my life doesn’t make my life or me any less fabulous. I’m perfectly content being alone and not having to deal with anyone else’s drama. I’m dramatic enough on my own and when you add the princess...well let's just say she got it from her mama.

Now if I’m being 100% truthful there are some things I miss about being in a relationship.  I really miss having someone take out my garbage, (Oh boy do I miss that) to hold hands with, to make weekend plans with, etc. I also really miss having someone else around to kill spiders. (Yes I know there are some guys who are more afraid of spiders.)

Since I’m terrified by the prospect of Internet dating (I’ve tried it…scary in a please make the lambs stop screaming kind of way) and none of my attached friends have single male friends they’d be willing to introduce me to (I’m guessing since it hasn’t happened yet) I’m basically just leaving it in the hands of the universe. Since I’m a control freak, I figured I ‘d give the universe a little help.

Dear Universe,

Please send me a guy to love. A nice guy. A smart guy. A sweet, considerate, and caring guy who laughs at my jokes and finds me enchanting. Please let him be gainfully employed or in the process of some sort of higher education. I do understand that everyone’s financial status in this economy is iffy, but I don’t want no scrubs Universe. Also, please let him have good manners and perfect hygiene. Bonus points for a sharp dressed man who wears a vest or plays the guitar. If he has a UK accent, red hair, and dimples, I would seriously consider that a hat trick. Oh and most importantly, let him understand that I come as a package and that the princess has to love him too or it’s no dice.  Special consideration will be given to any man who can cook, put together Ikea furntiure, or has no interest in playing video games.  Thanks Universe, you're a pal.

Love,
Tameka

Audrey, Wait! by Robin Benway {Review}

I have been wanting to read this book for over a year now.  I have no idea what kept me from getting to it, probably just life and other books I wanted to read etc.  It's funny because I put this on my Goodreads wishlist and when my book club had an elf exchange earlier this year, I received it as a gift.  Then a few months later, I won a signed copy on Forever Young which was not only awesome but incredibly funny since I was actually with my friend Jessica at the Festival of Books when she got most of the books in that contest signed. (including this one)  So there I was with two copies of this book, one hardback, one paperback signed by the author just sitting in my TBR pile wasting away.

I am so happy I brought this book with me on my trip to Vegas.  I was desperately in need of some cheering up and some distraction on the long drive back and Audrey, Wait! completely delivered.  I laughed out loud during so many parts, it was well written, funny, and brought me some much needed respite from my incredibly depressing inner monologue.   I was in a much happier mood by the time I got home, reading about Audrey and her shenanigans totally raised my spirits.

Audrey, Wait! is the hilarious tale of a girl who breaks up with her nice but slackerish rock star boyfriend only to have him write a song about her that quickly becomes a hit and a media sensation.  Audrey suddenly becomes "the girl who that song is about" and has to deal with overnight stardom and a huge media blitz all while trying to finish high school, date the perfect boy, and basically live a normal life.  The best thing about this book is the voice of Audrey.  Robin Benway does a phenomenal job of capturing the SoCal teenage experience and I found myself wishing I were in the car with Audrey, her bff Victoria, and her bff's bf Jonah rolling through the streets of OC with the music cranked up and eating Del Taco.  I loved the humor and snark that is so prevalent throughout the story and I think Audrey's reaction to her sudden fame is completely understandable.  It's hard enough being a teenage girl without the rest of the world not only being glued to your every move but being incredibly judgmental about it to boot. (Miley anyone? Anyone?)

I had the absolute pleasure of meeting Robin Benway at the OC Children's Book Festival last weekend.  She had a few minutes on stage and read from her newest book, The Extraordinary Secrets of April, May, and June which I of course purchased and I was able to get my hardback copy of Audrey, Wait! signed.  She was very sweet and did not seem at all freaked out by me gushing over her book. (I was the first one in line btw) Of course the princess piped up with the ever original "It's my birthday today" so Robin wished her a happy birthday and we even took a picture with her in which I look as exhausted as I felt having just been to Disneyland the day before.

I absolutely loved this book, and I can't wait to read my brand new signed by the author copy of her latest, hopefully it won't take me so long this time!

Seventh Heaven

For the 7th princess' birthday celebration, we decided to have a weekend extravaganza.  Day one was a trip to Disneyland which of course is the happiest place on Earth and where a true princess should celebrate her birthday!

Shortly after our arrival, she decided she simply MUST have her face painted! This was the Mardi Gras look. $17 thank you very much.

Next was the Princess Pavillion where we waited in a VERY long line to meet three Disney Princesses.  First was Ariel.  She looked almost exactly like the cartoon version of Ariel, it was super cool and creepy at the same time. 

Cinderella was there as well, seemed to be slightly jaded and not as um, Princess-ish as I would have liked but maybe she was mad that she didn't get to be Alice in the parade.  Who knows.

My favorite moment came when the princess met Princess Tiana from The Princess and the Frog.  I haven't seen the movie yet, but the princess has seen it several times over and was elated to meet Tiana, so much so that she ran up to her and threw her arms around her.  Tiana didn't miss a beat and they talked for several minutes about making sure not to kiss a frog, doing well in school and what it means to be a princesss.  It was so adorable, the princess didn't want to leave and told Tiana she was "beautiful just like her."  Priceless.

We had such a blast, we rode Pirates of the Caribbean twice, and thanks to a recent growth spurt she was finally big enough to ride a rollercoaster.  Our adorableness combined with the princess' facepaint and Happy Birthday button scored us a hook up with the guy taking FastPass tickets for Old Thunder Mountain Railroad.  He let us cut and we jumped right on. I think she might have been a little scared but she handled it well.  We also saw Captain EO...she was less than impressed and thought it looked "cheap." I weep at her lack of MJ love.

On her actual birthday we made the drive out to Orange County again to attend the OC Children's Book Festival.  My reasons for going were kind of two fold since a few YA authors that I wanted to meet were there, but we still managed to have fun and the princess was able to get her first ever signed by the author book!

I was so happy we were able to support this debut author! Her name is Cori Michelle Paul and her book is called Lavender Lucy. We walked around the festival for awhile but this book just called to the princess the minute I said she could pick a book to take home.  She was really sweet and even signed the book from herself, the main character Lucy and all of her animal friends.  We got the full autograph package which of course came with a crown. 

On our way out, we passed by a petting zoo and since the princess is such an animal lover, we had to stop and feed some goats.  I think the princess was slightly disenchanted by said goats when one of them bit her and snatched the cup of feed  out of her hand.  Birthday fail.

I'm so glad that the princess had such an awesome birthday.  I always fight with myself about doing the party thing since we don't really have a space to throw one, but I loved being able to spend so much time with her for her birthday.  We definitely rung in seven in a majorly awesome way!

four letter words

A couple of weeks ago I went on vacation for a friend’s wedding. I was really looking forward to it because a) I love weddings, and b) it was one of my closest friends and the guy she married is totally her lobster and they are too precious together for words. They had a Stars Wars wedding in Las Vegas…how adorable is that? She was Princess Leia and he was a Stormtrooper. I of course was Girl in a Pretty Dress since I’m not really a costume person, but it was still romantic and sweet and I teared up I like always do. I’m completely and utterly happy for them.

Sadly, I did not have the best time in Vegas (other than the wedding) because of a four letter word. After the wedding, we all met up with the bride and groom at the MGM Hotel’s Lazy River pool. While floating in said river a group of my friends and I passed by three obviously intoxicated guys floating together. As we passed, one drunk guy remarked to the other that it “must be time to get out of the pool since it just turned into ugly day.” I was sporting a pair of huge Olsen Twins-inspired sunglasses at the time, so I don’t believe that he saw that I was looking right at him when he said it, and that I knew he was looking right at me. I turned around and said something incredibly quippy like “my mother doesn’t think so” or something like that and continued to mosey down the lazy river. Now my friends didn’t hear what he said so I didn’t mention it because a) we were all having a good time and b) Logically, I knew that 6 out of 10 guys in Vegas are drunken a-holes so there was no point in being upset about it. So the night pressed on, we all got dressed up to have dinner then went to hang out and have some drinks afterwards. As the night was winding down, I got up to go to the ladies room and on my way back a very drunk girl barreled right into me and spilled her gin and tonic right down the front of my dress. As I stood there, mortified and dripping she got in my face and drunkenly slurred “watch where you’re going you ugly bitch!” Before I could respond, two of her friends came to whisk her away probably unsure of how I might react, and it was over and I was standing there still mortified and dripping and all alone in the middle of the faux New York street. I just ran up to my hotel room and tried unsuccessfully not to cry myself to sleep.

So I know you’re thinking, but Tameka you said yourself that people in Vegas are drunk a-holes. Why let that upset you? You would be right. My brain knows that both incidents were fueled by alcohol and being in a place that practically begs you to act like a completely different person, and that maybe those two people really are nice law abiding citizens in their regular lives and drinking just made them behave badly. My brain is fully on board with this notion, but my heart is still holding on to these two craptastic incidents because of one four letter word.

ugly.

I can’t stand this word when it’s used in the context to describe how someone looks. It literally makes me nauseous when I hear someone being described as ugly, because in my mind, there is something beautiful about everyone and to call someone that shows ignorance and a lack of imagination when there are so many other adjectives available.

Growing up, there were plenty of words one could have used to describe me. Loud. Funny. Talkative.Precocious. Smart. Bookish. Articulate. Introspective. Kind. Witty. Punctual. Neat penmanship. 

So many words yet the one that screams out at me through my memory is the word ugly.

Always the smart girl, never the pretty girl like my sister. Always the girl who never got asked to Homecoming. Always the girl to whom guys asked for advice instead of dates, always the girl who had the great personality. I took a sophomore to my senior prom, not because I wanted to go but a group of my friends were going and this sophomore was in our group and really wanted to go so we went. He spent the entire night dancing with everyone else but me, and said I was a “pal” for taking him along. We won’t even get into my high school crush who put me in the friend zone in 9th grade and gladly kept me there for 4 years, but we can talk about the bullying. Mean boys and even meaner girls who picked on me for thinking things like grades, books, and virtue were important than things like drinking, kissing random boys, and begging my mother to buy me clothes she couldn’t afford. I was called ugly on a regular basis. Maybe not every day but enough by my own peers to make me believe it.

Once I left high school I still felt like the ugly girl, but tried really hard to come out of my shell and turn from a frumpy caterpillar into a beautiful butterfly. Then I met The Boy. The Boy was the first person in my life ever to call me beautiful. He wrote me letters, sent me flowers, and made me feel like a princess. Yes reader, I married him and gave him a beautiful daughter. Then he became The Man. The Man who keeps secrets. The Man who bails when times get rocky. The Man who cheated on me, broke my heart, and made me feel like the ugly girl all over again. Hello dark place.

Needless to say, it was rough for awhile. I was in a place so dark only angler fish could live there. Luckily I had the princess to help me not feel so dark. I had her little face to keep me going and moving and reaching to stop being the ugly girl and start being the Awesome Woman.

The Awesome Woman is a work in progress but I take delight in my imperfections. (cough blog title cough) I am funny, sweet, ambitious, kind-hearted, snarky, and always try to be the best person I can be. I am an amazing mother, a dependable daughter, and an incredible friend. I am afraid of clowns and am so clumsy I have tripped walking up the stairs, but I'm also the master of Friends trivia and am never more than a phone call or a text away if you need me. Awesome Woman...hear me roar.

There are times, like emotional vodka soaked nights in Vegas when the ugly girl inside me tries to resurface and make me forget what an Awesome Woman I am. It’s hard for me to silence her sometimes, but I know she’s in the past. No matter if I stay single forever, or never go to Paris, or never get rid of the dreaded mommy pouch it has nothing to do with the person I am nor what I look like. Who I am now is so much smarter and stronger and braver and better than that ugly girl. This Awesome Woman loves herself, and rightfully so…

She’s beautiful.

The real Birthday Princess

Happy 7th Birthday to my Princess!!  (This picture is from her 4th birthday and yes she rocked a tiara the entire day) She is so independent and grown up now.  I still can't believe all of the things she says or does on a regular basis.  If you follow me on Twitter, you know that occasionally I'll tweet things that she says with the hashtag #princessisms because sometimes she is just too funny not to share with the rest of the world.

My favorite princess story to date is the time I tried to explain to her what being biracial means.  She funnily enough always refers to herself as "tan"  her father as "peach", and myself as "brown".  When I explained to her that mommy and daddy are different races and that often times when people who are different races make a baby, the skin color is a blend of both, she just looked at me with glazed over eyes.  I tried to make it visual for her by showing her a picture of Halle Berry, Gabriel Aubry, and their beautiful daughter Nahla.  "See babe?" I said.  "This family looks just like you, me, and Daddy." The princess looked at the picture, then she looked at me, then she looked at the picture again, turned to me and said, "Mommy, we don't look anything like those people." Touché princess. Touché.

I seriously love her so much I can't even stand it.  Happy Birthday little Princess. 

I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it. -- Mae West

Today is the last day of Banned Book Week and I just wanted to take a minute to say that I am so freaking impressed with all of the beautifully written and passionate posts I've read out there in the blogosphere this week. For those not in the know, Banned Books Week is an annual awareness campaign that celebrates the freedom to read, draws attention to banned and challenged books, and highlights persecuted individuals.(Thanks Wikipedia) 

I don't have anything incredibly profound to add other than that I love books and think all of them no matter how heinous deserve to be read by the people that want to read them.  (Yes, even Breaking Dawn.) Feel free to read some awesome blog posts about banned books by a few of my brilliant and intelligent friends, Anna, Melissa, Crystal, and Jessica.

My BBW contribution is to finally read The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger. I know! I still can't believe I haven't read it either, but I figured this could be my small way of sticking it to the man. It was never a book I was required to read in either high school or college, and I have always wanted to read it, just never had the opportunity.  Well now I have an opportunity since a good friend bought it for me unexpectedly, stating that I *had* to read it.  I'm very intrigued to see what had people so riled up back in 1951 when the book debuted, since here in the modern 21st century a book about a young girl dealing with the aftermath of a sexual assault is considered pornography. I'm very intrigued indeed.

What did you do for Banned Book Week?  What will you do to celebrate books all year? I don't know what else I can do other than to keep reading and recommending awesome books, and teach the princess how important and vital the written word is to our society.

In a room full of strangers...*

I'm sure you've seen this...but if you haven't, please enjoy the magic that is Jimmy Fallon, Justin Timberlake, and The Roots.

*Snaps if you know what the title of this blog post means.** 
**There is no penalty for not knowing, but snaps are still nice to have.