#78 - Participate in Nanowrimo

Are you wondering what the heck Nanowrimo is? I sure was when I first saw it as a signature picture of a few girls on my online book club board. Thanks to Google, I found out it stands for National Novel Writing Month. Every November thousands of writers attempt to finish a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. Ridiculous right? I mean who can write an entire novel in a month? It's not like it's a Taylor Swift song!

Well being insane I decided to participate this year. It's not like work, school, parenting, and bill juggling is enough on my plate, I'm going for a full hat trick of insanity. I ask myself why go through all of this torture, and it's simply because I have always been a writer. I've kept a journal since I was 14. When I wake up every morning I think about the 3 things. The Princess, crawling back into bed, and what can I write today. If I had the time and inspiration, I would write a blog post everyday.

That's how I know that this challenge is something I have to do, because I'm a writer. I'll keep repeating it to myself over and over so that I can believe it. Self doubt is my biggest obstacle. I know there are other people out there who are more talented and technical than I am and instead of thinking about myself, I've been concentrating on those people and my level of suck compared to them. Well that kind of negative thinking is just not going to work. I'm just going to tell my story, find the beginning, middle, and end and leave it at that. No one ever has to read it, and the best part is that I'll have a 5ok word head start on a complete book once it's over. So here's to conquering my whole fear of sucking thing and taking my best shot at winning this thing.

Book #42 - Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist by Rachel Cohn & David Levithan

I have a confession. I've got a serious thing for boys who play the guitar. Even at the ripe old age of thirty, I'm still a groupie at heart. (I won't even get into my John Mayer tweetback which pretty much made my life a few months ago.) This book was a sweet and nostalgic revisit of my youth where my life was all about music, books, angst, and unrequited love. Oh and flannels...I was hardcore into flannel back then. (Good Lord I am old.)

Nick and Norah is the perfect blend of the humor and tragedy that is being a teenager. There are quite a few references to my generation like My So-Called Life and the movie Heathers, but it also has that Juno-esque, honest to blog humor that is so prevalent in YA novels and films today and I found myself laughing right out loud repeatedly.

I absolutely loved the characters, the storyline, and the dialogue. I loved that Nick played the bass and was such a sweet, sensitive goofy guy who made awesome mixes. I loved that Norah was snarky and clever and had a very distinct taste in music that she was unashamed of. The chemistry between the two of them is absolutely electric and jumped right off the page at me. There was a point where I had 'awwed' so many times at their flirtatious banter that I became sick of my own voice(this so rarely happens so take note). This book begs the question...where the heck were guys like this when I was in high school? I would have absolutely adored an affable music geek who drove a Yugo...I was so ahead of my time.

I should mention that I only recently found out that this was a book. The movie came out earlier this year and I have a sick OCD-like compulsion with reading a book before seeing the movie so I had to wait for N&N to become available at the library while the DVD sat on top of my TV for a good 6 weeks in it's Netflix envelope patiently waiting to be opened. I have to say that the movie is very cute, Michael Cera and Kat Dennings are wonderfully cast, and even though a lot of things are changed, it really makes sense for the cinematic experience. I was full of squee to see and hear the dialogue I loved played out on screen, and definitely recommend this book and movie to people of all ages, especially if you really love music.

PS - Andy Samberg from SNL has a small but hysterical cameo in the movie. My disc is going back tomorrow so definitely Netflix it!

Just for today....

The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood {Review}

I'm not usually a fan of books about dystopian societies. In fact, I still have a physical reaction to George Orwell's 1984 because my first semester of 11th grade was spent in deep analytical hell trying to understand it well enough to get an A. I was skeptical to say the least about reading The Handmaid's Tale. In fact, it took me nearly a month of starting and stopping before I finally settled into it. Not because it's badly written, simply because the subject matter made me so uncomfortable. I finally had to break down and finish it, because it was my book club's choice for this month's selection. The chooser and host this month Amber, had mentioned the book in passing quite a few times, and I read her review on Goodreads, so I figured that I would end up liking the story, if I could just get past my discomfort.

May I just say, snaps to Amber! I loved it! Once I got over my initial ickiness, I just immersed myself into the story and it has been all I can think about since I finished it! I am compelled to say how though this book is fiction, it's very easy to see how it could actually end up happening. I'm not one to get political (at least not in a public forum) but the way women are treated in certain parts of the Middle East could very easily be compared to the fictional Gilead in the book.

This book is a must read for all women. Don't let the heavy subject matter keep you from reading it like I did. Margaret Atwood is a great writer, and this book will completely suck you in and best of all it'll make you think.

Oh and for reference, the late Natasha Richardson stars in the movie adaptation of the book. I have it saved on my DVR and can't wait to see it so I can compare. (Not that the movie is ever as good as the book or anything)

Five years...

Five years ago today was the day that I knew that my marriage was over. Five years ago today, I decided that I would no longer make him my priority, when he only made me an option. Five years ago today, marks the first day I stopped being part of a “we.”

I miss being a “we”, an “us”, someone’s someone. I miss sleeping next to someone and knowing that when I wake up he’ll be there. I miss being able to be completely silly and have special inside jokes and stories that only we know because we’re an us. I miss kisses. Just because kisses, I missed you kisses, you look good in that shirt kisses, bowchickabow kisses, thanks for dinner babe kisses, and goodnight kisses. I miss strong arms around me, holding me close making me believe everything is going to be ok as long as we’re together. Yeah…I miss that. 

Know what I don’t miss? The incessant waiting…waiting to find out what’s going to happen. Wondering how he feels and how that relates to how I feel. Worrying to the point of nausea that the next thing he’ll say will be goodbye. I don’t miss the depression that came when he bailed on me with a flimsy excuse and a sigh of relief. I don’t miss hating him, especially when I was walking the floor with an infant who thought the hours between 2am and 6am were perfect hours for screaming. I don’t miss the gallons of Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough I shoveled into my mouth while watching our wedding video and sobbing, wondering why all of a sudden I wasn’t good enough but a younger, thinner, non stretch marked version of me was. I don’t miss the look of pity in his eyes when he came for visits, as though I’m the one who did something wrong, as though I’m the one who split up a family and broke the heart of the person who loved me and trusted me the most. I don’t miss the clutch of rejection I felt in my stomach every time he mentioned her name or every time she looked in my direction with smugness. I guess she had reason to be smug. She was the new me after all.

Well all of that was SO 2004.

Now I don't have to focus on what I miss or what I don’t miss and instead I can remember what I have. I have an incredible sense of humor. I can laugh about a lot of this situation and realize that everything happens for a reason and that this outcome is really the best one. I have a beautiful little girl who is the one person who I know loves me unconditionally. (Oh and my mom too because heaven forbid she reads this and then thinks I think her love is conditional) I have a wonderful core group of friends who I know will always be there for me no matter what. I have a job, a place to live, air in my lungs, and am tip-toeing my way to a college degree. Plus, I think I might actually be made of awesome because despite all the previously mentioned shite in my romantic life, I still believe in love.  I am so in love with who I am now, and have no desire to be the me of five years ago who doubted her own fabulousity and wrapped her self esteem up in the approval and love of another. Perish the thought.

So…five years. I actually made it and I daresay, I am much better for it. What should I buy myself for my 5 year anniversary? Wood is traditional. Heh...so many thoughts all too dirty to post. I am someone's mother after all. 

PS – This post really took a turn…I was kind of having a pity party and feeling sad, but I guess I talked myself out of it. I never would have been able to do that five years ago. Progress bitches!

#73 - Learn to trick out my blog

Well I changed my layout...yes again! I've been trying to find a cute layout that I like and I am fine with this one! For now at least.

Here's where I got it:



Like it?

Officially the mother of a six year old

How is it possible that in six what seems very short years, this:

Became this?

My Princess is six. I can't believe it. She no longer needs me for so many things. This morning she got dressed and I did my usual Mom once over and she was perfect, not even a missed belt loop. For some strange reason, I wanted to burst into tears. Probably because with every year that goes by, she's becoming her own little person and eventually I won't be the most important part of her world anymore. Already I sense it happening as I drop her off for school. She waves goodbye without a care in the world, even though I stay there until her teacher arrives to take them inside, just to be safe. She has her group of friends, all of whom I mistrust wondering who is the one that's going to tell her the Tooth Fairy isn't real, or where babies come from. It's exhausting trying to keep up with it all.

I don't want to be too maudlin, birthdays are supposed to be happy! The Princess really is my best friend. We do everything together. I love the early mornings especially when she tells me about her dreams which she usually remembers in vivid detail and is almost always the hero. I love that she always tells me she loves me, and is never unsure of my response back to her. I love that she is never afraid to say exactly what is on her mind, even if it does get her on the business end of a time out! (Mommy doesn't take any lip)

I love that she gets so excited about things, as though it's the best thing to have happened ever (wonder where she gets that). I love that she always believes in me, even when I'm exhausted, frustrated, and on the verge of losing it, her happy little voice telling me, 'you're the best mom' makes me smile and keeps me going. I love how funny she is. I can never predict what she is going to say, I just know that she makes me laugh on a daily basis. Sometimes I look at her and I can't believe she's mine. How did I end up with such a beautiful, smart, dynamic child? I don't know how I got so lucky, but she is definitely the thing in life I am most thankful for.

Happy Sixth Birthday Princess! You are truly the best thing I've ever accomplished.

Book #40 - Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins

I've already mentioned my love for series books. All I can say is that Catching Fire does not disappoint. Wow. I absolutely loved this book!! I figured that I would enjoy the continuing story of Katniss and Panem because I loved The Hunger Games so much but wow! The book took so many twists and turns, I had no idea what to expect and there were so many moments where I exclaimed right out loud in either happiness, disbelief, or upset.

It's so hard to review without giving away the plot and outcome of The Hunger Games, but trust me when I say that this is one sequel that absolutely delivers. Now the only thing that sucks is that we have to wait 11 more months until the third books comes out, but I am confident that it will be just as well written and thrilling as the previous two. I am on pins and needles waiting to discover what happens to the people of Panem. A definite must read!

Not really a post, more of a post-ette

September was definitely a month of adjustment. Turning 30, recovering from turning 30, school starting for both the Princess and I added to a million and one other tiny little stresses that have come up contributed to me being a basket case for most of the month. I don't think that basket case status and blogging really mix so that's why I've been less than forthcoming over the last couple of weeks. In case you have been on pins and needles wondering what's been going on with me, here are a few updates:

I haven't exactly been a reading fiend this month, but I did have to read two books for school, and during my birthday vacation I decided to have a Nora Roberts-palooza so I read 5 of her books putting me up to 39 for the year! I don't feel the need to review them, as I've said before her books provide comfort for me and I read them when I really need to decompress. Nora is the master provider of decompression. As for the school books, unless you're taking a similar class, there's not too many other ways to say dry but informational. Sadly, I have not finished Catching Fire, the sequel to The Hunger Games but I plan to this weekend as well as finish The Handmaid's Tale in the next week which I've been reading bits and pieces of over the last month. I do need to finish it though, I joined a real life book club and that's the next selection which is just enough pressure to get my arse in gear.

School has been in a word, excellent. In all my years of stopping and starting and back and forth, I never truly felt like I was having the REAL college experience. Going to this school, makes me finally feel like I'm truly headed towards a degree. I'm not in night school or online classes but actual classrooms, on an actual campus, with actual teachers, and banners for joining different clubs, and a college email address and everything. Maybe it sounds dumb but I always wanted to have this and maybe I won't get to join a sorority and be the chocolate covered Elle Woods, but I get to experience college in a way I never thought I would, and I'm loving it! Even the three term papers I have to write aren't stressing me out (yet), in fact I'm looking forward to them!

The Princess is turning 6 tomorrow! I still can't believe it, she's become so big so fast. Be prepared for a fully schmaltzy and sentimental post about her birthday festivities which won't be epic (we are in a recession after all) but will still be fun I think. She's having a sleepover with her best friend from school. We're going to play games, eat a little junk food, watch movies, and do some mani/pedis, it should be a riot! (hopefully) I'm still ironing out all of my plans but I really hope it all goes well and the Princess has a great time and feels special on her day. I think birthdays are a big deal (if you couldn't already guess) and even if I don't throw her a huge party every year, I still hope that she always has a good time. Motherly guilt requires that I majorly stress over this until after it's over so I'm just going to roll with it for now.

I think that's about it, I told you things haven't been terribly interesting as of late. Keep your fingers crossed that I finish Catching Fire this weekend.